We don’t have many of them in my neighborhood. Back when I lived in the North Bronx, those suckers were always wailing — at 12:26 a.m. as it is now, there would be at least 2-3 of those bastards taking alternate turns at irritating everyone. Sometimes they’d all go off at once. And they all had different patterns, so you could tell how many there were.
There were the ones that went:
Beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww!
Beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww!
Beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww beeooooww!
And the ones that go:
Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo-nee-
beow-beow-beow-beow-beow-beow
moooiiiirrrr-moooiiiirrrr-moooiiiirrrr-moooiiiirrrr-
kniu-kniu-kniu-kniu-kniu
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
And my personal favorite (if I have to have one), the ones that announce, with clipped enunciation,
This vehicle is protected by cobra. Step away from the vehicle.
KNIW! KNIW! KNIW! KNIW! KNIW!
(pause.)
This vehicle is protected by cobra. Step away from the vehicle.
KNIW! KNIW! KNIW! KNIW! KNIW!
I always picture a robot voice from some 50′s sci-fi speaking the first part. And then the “KNIW! KNIW! KNIW!” reminds me of a robot flailing around, shooting off lasers: “Exterminate! Exterminate!”
On and on, all night long.
But in my current, classier (if more industrial) environs, they are a rare occurrance. Why, the Sicilian’s car alarm went off once and we heard it from 1/2 a block away, disabled it immediately, and never used it again. That’s the kind of life you have in this neighborhood: quiet is prized, and neighbors try and keep it down, in my building at least.
So imagine how shocking it is that one of those suckers is going off now and has been for some time. It’s just a plain one, like an emergency vehicle siren.
Wait a minute: I just got up, verified the source of the noise was a building, not a car, and was just calling 311 so the city could have someone come and disable it, when the alarm abrubtly stopped. 311 is the city’s catch-all non-emergency call center. I’ve called them when I’ve found a burned-out car someone apparently abandoned (it was still smoldering), and when a colony of rats took up in the next street.
I also called them to try and get free nicotine patches during a recent health promotion, but I did not qualify. Apparently, I don’t smoke enough. That’s reassuring, I suppose.
What I really want to complain about right now is that suddently when I zoom Mozilla view to 120% of original size, I get layer-upon-layer of text: all the text from the page layered together in the space of 3 lines. 150% works fine, as do other settings. I have only noticed this with Typepad and Blogger sites (so far), not websites in general. The Verizon page, for example, works fine. Odd that. But the internets does not have a 311, and there is no-one to call. I fear contacting Mozilla would be too time-consuming, what with all those Amnesty International urgent action letters that will remain un-written, and calls to congresspeople so often un-made. I will just avoid 120%.
I did not used to be someone who bothered calling such numbers. Am I prematurely entering busybody old-lady-hood? Or just enjoying a bit of distraction from what I ought to be doing?
Right now, ladies and gents, that’s sleeping. G’night.
3 comments ↓
I used to call 311 when I lived in Brooklyn, when teenagers would sit on my front steps and the smell of their weed would waft into my apartment, and I would call when the party hall next door would get too loud at 2 am. If you’re entering old-lady-hood, so am I!
As long as our Ensure(TM) days are far far in the future, that’s okay with me. Pull up a rocking chair, Nancy!
Your chameleon charm is almost as aural as it is verbal. Lovely reading of sound effects – it was almost like listening to one of Bicycle Mark’s podcast soundscapes. I am moved to update my own blog. Abrazos.