Want to buy a term paper?

“Where is your business located?

“Unlike the vast number of websites on the Internet, we are NOT BASED IN PAKISTAN. Our company is based in North America. We want to make this very clear so everyone knows that they can reach us by dialing 1-888-774-9994. Our office is located in Toronto and our writers are based out of the United States, Canada, U.K., and Australia. All of our writers are Native English speakers meaning their first language is English and their experience in this matter will be evident in your essay. We are meticulous about what our writer’s produce because we understand that we are only as good as the last essay we write.”

Let’s leave behind the bizarre suggestion that “the vast number of websites on the Internet” are based in Pakistan. (Obviously, they meant to say “essay mill websites,” rather than “websites,” but even so, is this true?) The only legitimate reason this might be a problem is if a wonder-bread-eating, blonde, Swedish-American from Minnesota turns in a paper with obvious traces of English that clearly originates from another corner of the world, be it Ireland, Pakistan, or Australia. (Please, no hate mail; I have nothing against the wonder-bread eating community.)

What this paragraph says to me is “we don’t know how to use commas, apostrophes, or the past tense.” I was thinking this site might be that of the group the wonderful-but-defunct magazine Lingua Franca ( R.I.P.) profiled years ago–in a wonderful expose of a Canadian essay mill. But the people in that story seemed quite intelligent.

I am not a grammar fiend. I make spelling and punctuation errors a-go-go. Heck, there are some in this very posting. But when people are buying essays for upwards of $60 for four pages, well, doggonit, they deserve quality.

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Not least confusing was why a site called http://www.essays-james-joyce.com was doing selling essays on such a wide variety of subjects.

But maybe I shouldn’t diss them. Selling and buying essays is morally reprehensible. But so is the exploitation of contingent faculty (adjuncts). Maybe soon all of us overeducated underpaid exploited academic workers will just sell out, and sell our essays. In the new world of the academy, will students buy essays from ex-adjunct professors to be handed in to other adjunct professors? I think if if it comes to that, I’ll instead just go into Management Consulting.